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Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Stephanie Sun - Wo Bu Nan Guo

Stephanie Sun - Wo Bu Nan Guo
Tuesday
Feeling: wo you yi dian nan guo...

slept til 12 noon today...sheeZ...tiredz...was wondering if i should go sch today...anyways. started the day off by updating my blog's access to my picture galleries...uploaded lots of photos...killed of nearly 1/10th of my total gallery space available...but...who cares? i haf 100mb to spare...when im done, i'll jus sign up for a new account...den i'll haf another 100mb...ZzZz...

by the time im done, its already 1pm...my dad called to ask if we makan already or not...oh well, im lazy to go out...so i asked him to da bao...sheez...so late liao...by the time i makan finish, might as well dont go sch. will haf to leave at 4++ to meet EL anyways...but after thinking a while, decided i dont wanna go out at all...was in a pissed off mood. lucky EL felt like sleeping and didnt wanna go out also...if not i would feel bad. neways, smsed wif ZG abit...too bad for him...i was pissed off at the time we smsed...and...kinda gaf him a bit of attitude...sorry abt that...maybe i jus got sick of carrying cellos onto buses...dad wasnt very happy abt me bringing cellos home all the time anyway...though he didnt say, i think he had better use for that time he spent repairing cellos lor...sigh...y co de cello always got prob one? didnt maintain properly? oh well...sux...

read a bit of the storybook Aliens: Earthhive...as usual, my hate went spinning after a while...but i didnt stop reading...cos the story was pretty addictive...finally i read til 7.30pm i bui tahan liao...if i continued reading i'll puke.

went buy makan...sigh...no money liao...on way up, bought ice cream...couldn't resist that creamy taste...though i was broke. HA...

ate my food, followed by ice cream...den drank milk...den ate a prune. sigh. ate so many things in one shot. sure kena lau sai one. and true enough, i ran for the toilet an hour or two later. shEeZz...wadever...i cant be bothered...one time is alright...too many times into the night, i would kick a$$. tummy felt better...so...yah...

added the song 'wo bu nan guo' to my blog. might take some time for it to load...but...sigh...guess i've always been a very 'bei guan' person...thus this song suited me right...had always been a loser in this kind of love love things...7 rejections, not including the 3 times when i fell madly in love with someone. both 3 times got deeply hurt...first time took me 8 mths - 1 yr to recover. 2nd time took me 2-3...cos that was when the 3rd kicked in...kinda numbed the feeling abit...and the 3rd took me a year to get over...which i jus recovered from...sigh...the 1st - i learnt... to fight for what i want...cos i didnt speak up how i felt then...thats y things got into a big big misunderstanding and ended sourly. 2nd time - i learnt...not all feelings are to be expressed. being tolerant and controlling my easily jealous nature...is vital...my inability to do then ruined 2 frenships permanently...and 1 stood hanging between normal frenz and being condemened...sigh...3rd time - ...again, i learnt i must express my feelings...cos i didnt told the girl i like back then, i eventually lost her to another guy...when i discovered it was too late...sigh... i hate myself...why do i always screw up? why do i feel so helpless all the time? sianZ...

its been some time i haven seen her online. last nite was looking at my msn contacts who were online...she wasnt there...den....suddenly, i recieved an email from her...was like thinking: wad the? u aint online, yet u sent me an email? sigh...i didnt noe wad that meant. i dun wanna bother either...hope i could see u tml...believe i only haf a major crush on u only though...no feelings involved...jus...wanted to tok...and see u only.

life sucks. whenever i fall for someone, she always seems to be so distant from me...so far...so unreachable...she always had her eyes on someone else...i was never in her list...am i really so unattractive so small so puny she would never set her eyes on me? why does this always happens? when will i finally find someone who likes me...and i like her too? AND WHY THE FARKING HELL HAVE I BEEN BRINGING UP RELATIONSHIP STUFF FOR THE PAST FEW ENTRIES??!?!?! all the more it made me look desperate... WAD THE FARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wad the freaking hell am i thinking?!?!?!?! my fingers jus typed all these stuff on its own! aRghHh... wad the heck...ZzZz...i feel like smashing my computer now. good bye. *hammer hammer hammer*

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