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Sunday, September 05, 2004

Zhang Hui Mei - Ting Hai

Zhang Hui Mei - Ting Hai
Saturday
Feeling: empty inside

met EL at 10.30 today...was really shagged...slept at 2++ last nite...wake up at 8...gEez...so dead...met him at kovan...den went over to bugis pei him buy his PT prepaid card...den went for my job interview...seems like its quite alright la, the job...jus serving drinks and some light snacks...guess it should be pretty easy...but...oh well, i get lazy ever so often...so...the slacker the job...the lazier i become...sighZz...anyway, i'll only get the reply from that mr. jimmy tang by monday...

after that went to EL's house...was really shagged. slept all the way on train...den went his house play abit of DOOM 3...sigh...though its quite ok lah, the gameplay...but...its dark atmosphere really gave me a big headache...i hate playing games where i cant see properly...cos my eyesight aint good...so...yah...my headache got worse...played until i got killed by some fireball shooting freak...den EL took over... ... ... i watch a while only bui tahan go sleep on his bed liao...haf to wake up at 4 though. cos meeting ZG at yishun mrt...haiz. shaggedZ...relunctantly pulled my body out of EL's place to take bus to yishun...slept all the way from lorang ah-su to yishun interchange...the indian man sitting beside me had a strong indian ascent...but im too shagged to bother abt it le...

after meeting ZG, ah beng and engine, we took a small walk at northpoint and proceeded to take cab to sambawang park for bbq organised by ling ling and her frenz...so it was like...i dunno ling ling's frenz...ling ling and ah beng...den zg and engine...im the odd one out...that aint so bad at first...but...as night fell...engine and ZG were sitting by the beach...looking into the sea...blah blah blah...basically...that was something i really wanted to do...if i had a girlfren...was like feeling...haiz, sianzation...but lucky beng wasnt toking to ling ling then so we toked abt some small small stuff...at least it kept me entertained...kept me from thinking abt bo liao stuff. den bbq halfway malaysia side seemed to haf fireworks...den the 2 couples was like...watching together...blah blah blah...u noe? the kinda sweet sweet feeling that kidna thingy...GeEz...that was total sianzation for me too...i watched for a while...den was like...fark...this is annoying...was kinda pissed off by the strong feeling of jealousy...decided...forget it...i'll get back to bbq to keep my mind off this as well...2 things tat i wished so much to do wif the gal i like...but...sigh...this always happens...im so close to being wif the girl i like...but last minute i'll screw up...3 times liao lor...i swear i will not let the 4th girl who gets so close to me escape from me again...really sick of this lonely empty feeling. anyway, concentrated on bbq-ing to stop thinking abt things...yeah! i promoted le...last time i only in charge of applying honey or butter to the food...now i peng kang le! haha...and the quality quite ok...kinda satisfied wif this achievement =)

ard 10.30 likedat we left the place...took bus to sambawang mrt...den took mrt and transferred to bus home...shagged...wanted to reach home a.s.a.p. ... i wanna sleep early!...thus...didnt elaborate much in today's entry... hmmm...seems like i'll be feeling down for quite some time...pls...someone...make me fall head over heels in love wif u so i can fill up this emptiness in my heart!!! guess it wont be easy finding someone i like...xpectations too high? maybe. anyway, the gal i fall for will never fall for me. this always happens. life is sad. im not desperate...not for sex, not for hugs and kisses wadever...jus...desperate for the feeling of sense of belonging...im someone who needs lots of social and emotional support...when no one toks to me...i will go nuts...and as u noe, co used to be such a strong emotional and social support for me...now that its relations network seems to be so falling apart and scattered, my emotional and social support shattered as well...maybe that explains why i've been moody and crazy since year 2...i really need someone to fill up this big big big big hole in my heart...haiz...forwarding sms seems to be a very bo liao act...cos basically, no one bothers to reply...maybe i should stop decieving myself that i could attract other's de attention by forwarding sms...who's attention am i trying to attract anyway? sigh...kinda...sick of such a lifestyle...i dont feel close to anyone any longer...other den EL and poon...i need a gf! this entry is soooooooo contradictory wif the one posted last night...but...heck...i cannot hide my emotions any longer...if not i will go mad. *need serious help...but no church pls. thanx*

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