Sunday, January 21, 2007
Carnage
Its kinda wasteful to spend a sunday afternoon sleeping away... But that's what I did cos I really had nothing better to do... Might as well... Zhi Hui got his height by sleeping his secondary school afternoons away? So I guess I should try to sleep whenever I have time too... Hope can still grow a bit taller... and get rid of my panda eyes at the same time too...
As I was about to wake up, I dreamt of Final Fantasy 8. I also don't know why! Haha. Maybe its because I wasnt able to complete it and it kept bugging me... So I decided to source for its game... Hopefully can start playing it soon.
Today I deleted World Of Warcraft from my pc. I deleted almost every game on it. Guess its for the better ba...
Lelouch is quickly becoming an anime character I'm starting to like a lot... His personality is dark and sinister, yet gentle in the way he treats his sister... His abilities to foresee and plan tactics is amazingly accurate... Though its probably because 'its just a show' that his talents seemed so... Kua zhang... But its still damn amazing... Can probably fight Deathnote's Light Yagami... Another character I simply have to love... Every episode of Code Geasss is like a jolt of electricity... In that short 30min, every episode of this show never fails to keep me in suspense! Its like something to look forward to every week...
These 2 characters reassemble me alot... Probably why I feel a sense of intimacy with them...
Feeling so... Pek chek and pissed off with myself and everyone lately... Everything I think, say or do is like soooo... Unfitting for a 21 year old. Since young I've been like lagging behind other people my age... Sometimes I really wonder why... I feel like a little boy stuck in a man's body... Damn, even my body doesnt seem to match my age... Imagine a year back someone said I look like a 16 year old... This is bullshit man... Totally... And my personality is like so mixed up... Up to sec 2 I still know who I am... And am not bothered by it. Its only after THAT INCIDENT that I started to hate my original self and forced myself to change into another person... And this so called new personality isnt working as well as I hoped cos it isnt myself at all!
Those who knew me since pri sch and before sec 3 should know I used to be a quiet guy who is tactical, hardworking and does not need any form of companionship... The only thing on my mind was how to get better results... And will not hestitate to resort to any means to get it. A very sinister but strong character. But now, I'm loud, slack and dependant on others. As a natural failure at cracking jokes and entertaining people, I sort of feel like a clown now... And when people don't respond, I feel upset. This is such a weak character! Why did I end up like that?! I MUST return back to my original self! Doesnt matter if I become lonely again or detested... If I continue living in this 1/2 fucked personality, I will die of self misery!
If there's anything to gain from Army and Air Force, it is probably the knowledge of how evil, cunning and self fish this world is. Time and time again I've been forced to act against my will... Against my moral values... To put up a false musk in front of others... To push blame and responsibility to others... Although I am still a noob at such things... I believe all these stuff is fueling my oringal sinister personality... Not that I will do such things to my friends... But I will, to whoever crosses my path, gets in my way or attempt to sabotage me. This will be the path I shall take. I shall walk down the path of Carnage. I shall embrace it.
I shall stop acting like an idiot who keeps 'hehe and haha-ing' all the time. I shall not forward SMS-es to people. I shall not initiate an MSN conversation unless there is a need to or its someone I like. I shall sleep before 12... Fatigue will hinder my ability to respond to threats. I shall stop being ignorant of things happening around me. I will no longer ask anyone out unnecessarily. Shopping can be done alone... Like how I used to. Companionship is weak... the only one I can rely on is myself.
I must be determined!!! Change is never easy... I must preservere!!!
If you are my friend, do no stop me. Do not advise me. Respect my decision. Respect the real me.
potato
8:58 PM
