Tuesday, July 28, 2009
To Shi Shi with love...
20 months since my last entry... Never thought I'll be blogging again but yeah haha...
I want to thank you for being there for me all this time... You're always the special person I can rely on... And who will forever have a place in my heart.
All this while in your company, I've learnt a lot... How to care, love and dote on someone... How I should communicate, be more sensitive and tolerate (Though I still suck at it? Lol...)...
Although I gained so much during this peroid of time, I also lost many parts of myself as well... My complacency destroyed my disciplined and independent lifestyle... I became so much lazier... Knowing that if I needed anything, I just had to ask you... And I notice myself becoming more and more uncle? In both appearance and behaviour? Haha...
Looking at Panda and the Mini-Teddy (+ Flower that says 'I Love You!' when squeezed) that you gave me, I realised how important you really are to me... How you have became part of my daily life... How everything in my house reminds me of the time I spent with you... Even the Spiderman Eye cover (Which I must honestly tell you my actual response that day you gave it to me on xmas eve was 'What The ****?!' Lol...) suddenly feels so precious to me...
Before I left home today, I saw our Ring on my table... I thought 'Hmmm... Just leave it there...' but as I turned to grab my bag, I just automatically slipped it onto my fingers... I only realised it when I reached the bus stop =.= Its like... You WERE so much a part of my everyday life now... It just feels wierd without you... No hold hands, no huggies... God I missed them... Now even looking around my house could be agonizing as everywhere I looked, I could see you...
In school, as I looked at you during lunchtime and at the library today, your reponses to everyone's conversations were... So... Innocent... Then it struck me... Could this innocence be something that I've been looking for all this time? My life being so full of bad experiences... Of people backstabbing one another... Could this innocence be something that I desired so much in my own life but could never have anymore? And looking back at how I had tried to take that innocence away from you instead of protecting it simply breaks my heart...
All this while I've always been a bad bf ba? Always asking this and that... But never really contributing much... My heart is filled with regret and guilt... However, if asked again if I would ask the question I popped 20 months ago again, I would.
Although we might not be suitable now, nobody knows about the future? I guess we should use this time now to improve ourselves? I have to study hard and bring back my lost qualities and become more mature, caring and sensitive... You might want to look into becoming more independent, etc? Who knows if in the future, we could still be together?
I'm so glad to have met you and I really thank God for blessing me with an angel like you... Know always that you will occupy a special space in my heart forever... I will always be around if you need me...
P.S. Shi Shi, I love you
potato
10:18 PM
